Originally published via Armageddon Prose:
Whereas convention dictates only nice words be uttered about the recently departed, I subscribe to the Christopher Hitchens philosophy on eulogizing monsters: “Play the world’s smallest violin.”
(If you’re a fan of the late Jerry Falwell, that’s fine. My personal opinion is that he was a grifting charlatan who didn’t sincerely believe, or else didn’t understand, the theology he expounded for a living, to great personal enrichment. My respect for religious belief does not extend to televangelists who request money from pensioners in exchange for indulgences. “If you gave Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox,” to quote Hitchens.)
The historical canon is replete with fascinating tales of the allegedly human entity known as Dick Cheney and his behavior that made any run-of-the-mill Sicilian crime boss look like an angelcake.
My personal favorite anecdote is the time he shot his friend in the face while hunting and then forced him to apologize for the ungentlemanly act of getting in the way of his buckshot.
Via Wikipedia (emphasis added):
“On February 11, 2006, Whittington was accidentally shot by then-United States vice president Dick Cheney during a quail hunting trip, at a ranch in south Texas. Most of the damage from the shotgun blast was to the right side of his body, including damage to his face, neck, and chest, causing a collapsed lung. He was taken to Corpus Christi Memorial Hospital by ambulance and put into intensive care. The accident was not announced in the news media until the White House confirmed the incident to the Corpus Christi Caller-Times approximately 12 hours after the incident.
On February 14, some of the lead birdshot lodged in Whittington’s heart caused a minor heart attack. Doctors did not remove all the pellets from Whittington’s body. They estimated that there were “less than 150 or 200” pellets lodged in his body immediately after the shooting, and about 30 pieces of shot were expected to remain inside him for the rest of his life. On February 17, Whittington made a public statement: “We all assume certain risks in whatever we do. Whatever activities we pursue and regardless of how experienced, careful and dedicated we are, accidents do and will happen.” After being released from the hospital, he issued the following statement: “My family and I are deeply sorry for all that Vice President Cheney and his family have had to go through this week.””
Benjamin Bartee, author of Broken English Teacher: Notes From Exile (now available in paperback), is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.
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